6.01.2015

Oh That Little Devil Within

By Evan Sanders


Oh that harsh devil inside. Will you make yourself known? When the switch flips south and light exits the room you attack my thoughts without mercy. Your resolve and will is destructive. You drive your intentions deep within my soul. And there I am, the monster inside playing around within me like a wrecking ball. You exist in all of my doubt about life and tear me apart the more I really try and run from you.

But I am going to fight no longer, only to tenderly embrace your presence. Does this baffle you? Does this make you weep at the thought of the grip you once had that exists no longer? You held onto me so strong and so tight due to my inability to see that it was the battle increased your strength. Like quicksand I sunk the more I rapidly moved. But like I announced before, I embrace the darkness now.

Things have changed. I'll see clearly now that darkness can deliver light. There's no fear in this heart anymore with reference to you showing up. Why? Because... you are here...right here inside me. Not walled out from me any longer. Not pushed away. Just here with me. Present. Really present.

I really am finally aware of what you really are and who you turned me into. No, I'm not making an attempt to fool anyone any longer by showing them a smile on my face. No, I should just be myself. So I tip my cap to you to all the times you cut me down. Now, let's take a walk and work this thing out. I would like to hear what you say about all those years of the past. How proud are you? How much fun did you have? Are you proud of your accomplishments? Maybe... I will even clap to your success?

But we are moving on and this is the beginning of a long relationship. I am going to start speaking with you for the first time. But now, my life choices are based on light. It is time to begin to live my life and make the best choices I am able to. But I know that I must check in with you...oh demon deep within. You can show me a trail that is worth exploring in of its own. You can show me places I have always been scared to go. But to ignore you further would be out of idiocy. Foolishness. Fear.

So let's take a hike. I would like to hear what you've got to say.




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